Destructive Daydreams: Why Wishful Thinking is Dangerous

"The problem with positive fantasies is that they allow us to anticipate success in the here and now. However they don't alert us to the problems we are likely to face along the way and can leave us with less motivation—after all it feels like we've already reached our goal."

"...fantasies about an idealized future may indeed lead to poor decisions. Such fantasies create a preference for information about pros rather than cons, particularly when people are not yet serious about pursuing the realization of the future."


"Fantasies that are less positive–that question whether an ideal future can be achieved, and that depict obstacles, problems, and setbacks–should be more beneficial for mustering the energy needed to attain actual success."


http://www.spring.org.uk/2012/06/destructive-daydreams-why-wishful-thinking-is-dangerous.php

How to Avoid Procrastination: Think Concrete

New study finds procrastination is warded off by considering tasks in concrete terms.
those living in technically advanced societies, procrastination has become a 'modern malady'

Summary: how to get things done

1. To avoid procrastinating on a task, focus on its details and use self-imposed deadlines.
2. To stick to a task, while actually carrying it out, now it is beneficial to keep the ultimate, abstract goal in mind.
3. When evaluating progress on a hard task, when the chance of failure is high, stay focused on the details of the task.
4. Once tasks are easier or the end is in sight, a more abstract, goal focus is once again the psychological approach to choose.

http://www.spring.org.uk/2009/01/how-to-avoid-procrastination-think.php

11 Goal Hacks: How to Achieve Anything

1. Stop fantasising
The biggest enemy of any goal is excessive positive fantasising.
Those whose fantasies were more negative did better
Don't experience the future positively before you achieve it.

2. Start committing
One powerful psychological technique to increase commitment is mental contrasting.
This involves entertaining a positive fantasy but then pouring a bucket of cold reality over it

3. Start starting
What the Zeigarnik effect teaches is that one weapon for beating procrastination is starting somewhere...anywhere.

4. Visualise process NOT outcome
Visualising the process of reaching your goal, helps focus attention on the steps you need to take.
It also helps reduce anxiety.

6. Sidestep procrastination
When goals are difficult and we wonder whether it's really worth it, procrastination can creep up on us
Under these circumstances the key is to forget about the goal and bury yourself in the details.
Keep your head down and use self-imposed deadlines

10. Know when to stop
'Sunk costs' refer to the effort or money we've already expended in trying to reach our goal. So, even when our plan is failing, we keep pushing on.

Automatic Drive: How Unconscious Cognitive Biases Help Fire Our Motivation

So how did participants keep themselves motivated when there was much less work to do? You guessed it: they under-estimated the number of t-shirts in the box.
By under-estimating their progress when they were near the end of the task, highly motivated people are able to push themselves on harder towards the end when the temptation is to slack off.

When people are highly motivated to achieve a task, they over-estimate their progress at the beginning and under-estimate it at the end. This helps provide us with the psychological energy to keep us going through the task.

http://www.spring.org.uk/2012/07/automatic-drive-how-unconscious-cognitive-biases-help-fire-our-motivation.php

The Incubation Effect: How to Break Through a Mental Block

When you take a break from a problem you rest your mind and when you come back it's fresher, so you do better.
The break doesn't just freshen you up, it gives your unconscious time to work towards a solution.

http://www.spring.org.uk/2012/07/the-incubation-effect-how-to-break-through-a-mental-block.php

The Worse-Than-Average Effect: When You’re Better Than You Think

sometimes the competent don't know when they're competent.
This is the worse-than-average effect
This means that when you're good at something, you tend to assume that other people are good at it as well.
So, when you're faced with a difficult task that you are good at, you underestimate your own ability.
The moral of the story is simple: sometimes we do ourselves down, especially when faced with a difficult task or when we have special skills. Under these circumstances we are better than we know.

http://www.spring.org.uk/2012/06/the-worse-than-average-effect-when-youre-better-than-you-think.php

Reaching Life Goals: Which Strategies Work

Success in modern post-industrial societies is all about reaching long-term goals

1. Make a step-by-step plan: break your goal down into concrete, measurable and time-based sub-goals.
2. Tell other people about your goal: making a public declaration increases motivation.
3. Think about the good things that will happen if you achieve your goal (but avoid fantasizing - see this article).
4. Reward yourself for making progress in your goal: small rewards help push us on to major successes.
5. Record your progress: keep a journal, graph or drawing that plots your progress.

http://www.spring.org.uk/2011/02/reaching-life-goals-which-strategies-work.php

Why Society Doesn’t Change: The System Justification Bias

Have you ever wondered why society hardly ever changes?

humans have a mental bias towards maintaining the status quo.
They tend to go with what they know rather than a new, unknown option.

Poor people don't strongly support the sorts of political policies that would make them better off.
Surveys find that low-income groups are hardly more likely than high-income groups to want tax changes that mean they will get more money.
Generally people's politics doesn't line up with their position in society.

 Oddly, the more disadvantaged people are, the more they are likely to support a system that is doing them no favours. This is because of cognitive dissonance. In one US example of this low-income Latinos are more likely to trust government officials than high-income Latinos.

 Most disturbing of all: the more unequal the society, the more people try to rationalise the system. For example in countries in which men hold more sexist values, women are more likely to support the system.


http://www.spring.org.uk/2012/07/why-society-doesnt-change-the-system-justification-bias.php

Littérature érotique : osez-vous ?

S’intéresser aux textes érotiques, c’est approcher au plus près le mystère de sa propre sexualité, assure Sophie Cadalen, psychanalyste et auteure de romans érotiques.
Quand nous en sortons, nous ne sommes plus pareils, nous mourons à une certaine idée de nous-mêmes. »

Quoi ? Nous pourrions être troublés par ce récit de viol, d’échangisme, de nécrophilie ?
Elles révèlent une attirance pour ces limites, que, dans la vie réelle, nous n’approcherons peut-être jamais
En lisant, nous nous autorisons à vivre en imaginaire l’agressivité, la domination, à éprouver nos propres fantasmes
Comme toujours avec les fantasmes, les approcher ne signifie pas vouloir les vivre

J’adore la littérature sadomaso pour tout ce qu’elle révèle de dépassement de soi dans l’acte sexuel

Pour le dictionnaire Le Robert, est érotique ce qui relève de « l’amour et du plaisir sexuel avec une dimension symbolique », quand la pornographie est la « représentation de choses obscènes destinées à être communiquées au public ». À leur époque, Zola, Flaubert, Henry Miller étaient considérés comme auteurs de pornographie. Les moeurs changent, les sociétés évoluent, les définitions aussi.

Pour le surréaliste André Breton, « la pornographie, c’est l’érotisme des autres ». Pour l’ex-actrice de films  « est pornographique ce qui est description explicite du rapport sexuel »

http://www.psychologies.com/Culture/Philosophie-et-spiritualite/Savoirs/Articles-et-Dossiers/Litterature-erotique-osez-vous

The High Art of Handling Problem People

The High Art of Handling Problem People

Find yourself acting crazy when you're really a very nice person?
Manipulation comes in many forms:
There are whiners.
There are bullies.
There are the short-fused
Not to forget the highly judgmental.
Or the out-and-out sociopath.
But they often have one thing in common:
Their MO is to provoke, then make you feel you have no reason to react
Experience motivates most of us to avoid or minimize interacting with such people
managing the relationship by distancing yourself or cutting it off altogether is impossible or undesirable

The goal, in such cases, is to prepare in advance for an encounter, knowing it will take a special effort to hold onto your own sense of self, and to stay calm

Although it is typically disturbing to be in the presence of such people, remaining composed in the face of unreasonableness helps you figure out exactly what species of difficulty you're dealing with
It allows you to predict the specific emotional trap being set for you,

Handling difficult people at work is not quite the same as coping with problem people in family life.
The goal is to get the work done, and that requires great caution and considerable strategizing.
"It's not like a marriage, where the dailiness of living will allow you to repair a lot of interactions gone wrong,

In a marriage, she says, it's often advisable to exit a conversation



http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201204/the-high-art-handling-problem-people

What your Facebook picture says about your cultural background

What your Facebook picture says about your cultural background

What kind of profile picture do you have on Facebook?
Is it a close-up shot of your lovely face with little background visible?
Or is it zoomed out, so that you appear against a wider context?
The answer, according to a new study by psychologists in the USA, likely depends in part on your cultural ancestry.
Regardless of their current location, there was a significant association between cultural background and style of Facebook picture
Facebook users originally hailing from Taiwan were more likely to have a zoomed-out picture in which they were seen against a background context.
Users from the USA, by contrast, were more likely to have a close-up picture in which their face filled up more of the frame.


http://bps-research-digest.blogspot.com/2012/05/what-your-facebook-picture-says-about.html

How Much Do You ‘Zone Out’ While Reading?

How Much Do You ‘Zone Out’ While Reading?

Everyone zones out from time-to-time while reading, but how much is normal?
Everyone has had the experience of reading a few pages of a book and then suddenly noticing none of it has gone in
So we are often unaware that our minds are wandering from what we are reading, even when it's a gripping Amazon bestseller rather than a boring textbook
The only time their minds weren't wandering was when they were having sex
If our minds wander only 13% of the time when we're reading, that's actually pretty good compared to an average of 50% for everyday life

http://www.spring.org.uk/2012/06/how-much-do-you-zone-out-while-reading.php

How to Overcome the Egocentric Bias

People don't mind hearing the advice, they just hate to take it.  This is one facet of what psychologists call the 'egocentric bias': the general rule that we think we know better.


We can't hope to know everything ourselves.


perspective-taking. You simply imagine someone who is like you faced with the same question and then you ask yourself what they would do.


taking another imaginary person's perspective had the desired effect of encouraging participants to take other people's advice.




http://www.spring.org.uk/2012/05/how-to-overcome-the-egocentric-bias.php

How To Encourage People To Change Their Own Minds

When a parent wants to change a child's behaviour they might ask them why it is wrong, rather than just telling them it is wrong.


When we're encouraged to take part in role-playing exercises, we might espouse attitudes and values we don't believe in.


When we want to change our behaviour, say, to healthier eating, we might try to convince ourselves we don't like the forbidden foods as much as we do.


We see the same effect for self-confidence. When people are told to present themselves in a self-confident way to others, they actually feel more self-confident themselves.


So if you want someone to persuade themselves, you can try asking them to put aside their own attitude for a moment and try getting them to generate their own arguments for the point you want to make.


http://www.spring.org.uk/2012/05/how-to-encourage-people-to-change-their-own-minds.php

Do Posh People Cheat More Than the Lower Classes?

Let's say our lower class individual works in a factory, lives in a small house in an average area and receives a relatively small salary.


Our upper class individual, though, has inherited money, lives in a large house in a beautiful area and doesn't need to work for money.


 the stereotype of the money-grabbing Mr Burns-type has some truth after all


Upper class people are more insulated from ordinary society and tend to think the rules don't apply to them.


Upper class people have the resources to make problems 'go away', so they are less exposed to the adverse consequences of their unethical behaviour.


They care less about what other people think.


http://www.spring.org.uk/2012/04/do-posh-people-cheat-more-than-the-lower-classes.php

How To Be a Great Leader (in under 300 words)

Decisiveness: good leaders make frequent decisions and stick with them. 
 Nowadays being competent often means having the knack of influencing others.
Integrity: leaders you can trust increase followers' performance, satisfaction and commitment. 
Vision: projecting a vision of the road ahead is vital, this gives people a common purpose and motivation to persevere.


Modesty: the most effective leaders weren't grand-standing show-offs; they were incredibly modest and humble.
Persistent: the leaders who transformed their organisations the most never gave up. That doesn't mean they were inflexible, but that they never stopped pushing towards their goals.


http://www.spring.org.uk/2012/03/how-to-be-a-great-leader-in-under-300-words.php

The Upside of Anger: 6 Psychological Benefits of Getting Mad

Not only does it make you feel bad, it makes you do stupid things without noticing the risks and it can be self-destructive.


As a result civilised people do their best to suppress, redirect and mask their anger. 


when used right, constructive anger can make you feel strong and powerful and help push you on to get what you want.


If you're still not convinced that anger might reduce violence, imagine a world without anger where people had no method for showing how they felt about injustice. Might they jump straight to violence


http://www.spring.org.uk/2012/03/the-upside-of-anger-6-psychological-benefits-of-getting-mad.php

Our Greatest Source of Sexual Creativity

The cross-cultural online behavioral data of a billion men and women reveals there's nothing atypical about getting turned on by wanting to be dominant or submissive in the bedroom


So what is the most common theme in a sexual medium without any pictures or videos, that's limited purely to voice? Submission. The single most popular request in phone sex is for the male caller to be dominated by the female operator


http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/billion-wicked-thoughts/201205/our-greatest-source-sexual-creativity-0

What Your Facebook Account Says About Your Brain

Establishing and maintaining many social relationships requires a great

deal of brainpower. One must remember many names and faces, keep many

individual memory files with information about what these people did in the

past, and how and when they did it, constantly update information about the

quality of the relationships with these people

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/games-primates-play/201203/what-your-facebook-account-says-about-your-brain

Online Dating May Lead to Love, But Has Its Perils Too

While the guidelines are not legally enforceable,

    Check potential registrants against national sexual offender databases

and ban sexual offenders from having online profiles.
    Institute systems for rapid reporting of abuse by consumers.
    Provide online safety education for consumers covering such topics as

meeting offline, identity fraud, and so on.
    Check for fake profiles.



dating strangers involves some level of risk, and the anonymity provided by

the internet can make it easier for scammers and individuals with a history

of violence to hide their true identities and motives.


Below are a list of online bad guys to be worried about:

    Identity Thieves
    Violent Individuals and Criminals
    Con Artists with Fake Identities
    Stalkers


What You Can Do to Help Protect Yourself


Don’t give out personal information when you first connect. Use a service

such as Google Voice to have calls sent to your mobile and home phones

without disclosing these numbers to callers. Use call screening to see who

is calling, and block undesirable people. Don’t reveal your place of work

or home address, and use online and email IDs that don’t contain your real

name.


Do a Google search entering your own name to see what identifying

information exists about you online and remove anything you don't want to

be seen. Also search the potential date’s name and Facebook profile to

learn more about them, and if the information they have given you matches

up.



Don’t hurry to meet in person. Take time to ask questions online, and pay

attention to any answers that don’t seem to add up or give you an

uncomfortable feeling. Whether online or in person, always trust your gut!

It’s more important to be safe than polite. Block and report anybody who

acts inappropriately or in a threatening manner.



When you do meet, choose a place you don’t normally go to, and let a friend

know who you are meeting, when, and where. Arrange to call or text the

friend to let them know you are safe. Don't get into a car with the date or

have them pick you up.


Don’t fall in love until you’ve met the person. They may not be who they

claim to be,


Beware of people who try to rush the pace of the relationship, pressure

you, threaten to end the relationship if you don’t do what they want, try

to make you feel guilty, or treat you disrespectfully. These can be red

flag signs of potentially abusive or manipulative types.


Speak by phone before meeting in person

With employers checking Facebook, there may be additional risks to your

livelihood.
Don’t use overly suggestive language or photographs in your online profile

or come across like a drunk


Treat your online encounters as potential opportunities to get to know different types of people and learn more about yourself


http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201203/online-dating-may-lead-love-has-its-perils-too